Dear SV,

I have come to a point where my brain has refused to do anything, and so I am attaching the 1st draft of my IA report. I am hoping by e-mailing this draft,  I can trick my brain into thinking it has accomplished something, and I can get on with improving the report draft (fingers crossed!).

Therefore, I wish to apologize in advance if this draft is a bad piece of work (very sorry, SV).

…

The first draft was submitted yesterday, and for the first time in 3 weeks, I slept like a baby.

Until daylight came, and I am faced with my own conscience, so I am now looking at my draft and started a new session of brain torture… huhuhu!

My supervisor gave me valuable feedbacks recently. Some of the task to keep my glued to my desk this 2 weeks would be:

1. To extract from my current LR and develop a table of factors, pairing them with appropriate research questions which I will answer throughout my chapters.
2. To look at case studies on similar topic, if any, and find what works and what not, to help me decide on developing my framework.
3. To find to what extent has the current literatures linked cultures to partnering. This will be my focus, along with the role of trust among partners.
4. To start working on Chapter 4: Research Methodology. (Oh no! I can feel my eyes watering already.. allergy reaction! Hehe..)
5. To prepare the outline of my IA report, and submit for her comments. ASAP.

I have completed task 1 and 5 today. Apart from these assigned tasks above, I also need to formulate the research design for my study and a literature map, which would be very helpful to include in the report.

Work, work, work!

My supervisor has been informed and totally understood my condition, gave me her full support. She gave me her feedback on my 3rd draft of Chapter 3, and gave me something to smile for in my time of sorrow. Alhamdulillah.

I have completed the book on Critical Reading and Writing for Postgraduates by Wallace and Wray. It is definitely a good book, I would recommend it to anyone doing postgraduate research and needed to improve their writing/reading skills. I will be applying what I learn from that book in my work this point forward.

For now, time to rest.

Little can be said about my productivity during this time, I can barely stay awake pass 11pm. I had planned a couple of training sessions to attend in December, but had to cancel them due to our family schedule. I have signed up to attend the training sessions in January instead. Hopefully the weather is much better that time.

I stayed in most of the days, work from home as it makes more sense… since salah times is much more closer, it is more convenient for me to work from home and perform my salah in the comfort of my study. With Christmas break around the corner, and the whole of the country is already in the holiday mood, it’s hard not to just sit back and be lazy. My other half is working the crazy long shift till new year anyway, so I just have to make do with trying my best to concentrate and study with Daniel climbing up the furnitures all the time.

Chapter 3 had to be written yet again. I had chosen not to submit the 2nd corrected draft that I completed last month, but rather had re-written the entire chapter again. So this will be the improved 3rd draft of my Chapter 3. The problem with the 2nd draft is that I didn’t think it was critical enough. I took out all my journal articles, and started doing this the old fashioned way. I wrote my comments on each piece of reference that I quoted, asking three specific questions that my supervisor had told me to ask myself throughout the writing process, and written the answer with my personal insights included for all 27 frameworks I quoted for my Chapter 3 by hand. These questions are:

1. What is inspiring about the reference? How does it attract you?
2. Do you agree or disagree with the author? Provide your reason for agreeing/disagreeing.
3. If you embrace the author’s opinion, how will this inform your research?

Once the writing part is over, then only I started typing them. As I type, I was able to edit my opinions better, and somehow I felt that my writing had become much better in the process. My mind has to work harder in findings appropriate words and forming original sentences, but the end result is much better.

I submitted the 3rd draft earlier this week. Hopefully it is up to standards this time

I had a number of training sessions and lectures to attend in between Week 5- Week 8. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to attend the first one this month, which is “How to Conduct an Interview”. A friend of mine came to visit with her family and we had so much fun, that I simply had forgotten, boleh? Tells much about the academic excitement, huh?

The second session I attended during this month was by Dr Monty Sustrisna, my personal tutor from our school. He facilitated a session on “Research Methodology in PhD Research”. There is a lot to digest from this session, I have yet to achieve the understanding of the mystery of research methodology, but attending the session has given me a general idea. The importance of one’s philosophical stance, and how it directs ones course of research. I have loads to learn within this area, and oh my, from what I have read so far, I don’t even know whether it makes sense at all. Help!

In Week 7 I attended the Research Over Coffee session, a monthly event held by fellow postgrad students in my school, where postgrad students get to present their current work in a healthy and supportive environment. I attended the Management themed session this time, just to get the jist of things. Out of 3 that presented, only 1 seem to be very clear of his methodologies. Well, he is preparing for his Internal Evaluation after all, so he MUST be sure of what he is doing. I wonder if I would ever get to that stage? Or would I ever present in front of others at all? Being a postgrad student, presenting your work is a must…but will I ever be ready? *sigh*

I finally completed my write up of Chapter 3. But something is missing. I have to go over it again, not sure if it is good enough to be submitted just yet.

One interesting method he suggested, was to make use of our sub-concious mind. He suggested the use of Edison Pad, a method that he had tried and proven to be very effective when one is faced with a ‘block’ in their research. The ‘block’ could be questions that we do not know the answers, despite having work on it for sometime. Using this method, one must write the issue/problem in form of questions in a notepad, and place it near the bed. It helps to ask ‘How?’ instead of ‘Why?’. Have some thoughts, organize what you know about the issues before you sleep and after you jot it down in the notepad, go to sleep. You might find that when you wake up in the morning, you have written the answers to your questions. The facilitator had tried this, swore by it, and he even said, if it does not work.. he will refund the money for your notepad.

Hmm.. I am kind of sceptical of this method, but I will give it a go when required. We’ll wait and see… hehe..

I didn’t get much done in the second half of Week 4.  On Wednesday, Mr Hubby wants to have a look at the Postgrad Study Fair at GMex and on Thursday we had to settle a couple of things for our car to get it up and running again.

2 more weeks before I meet my supervisor. Looks like the writing up will be stretched to Week 5. Yikes!

This week I had another meeting with my supervisor for the purpose of my performance appraisal. I had somehow forgotten that I needed to submit my appraisal every year to my sponsors, failing which may cause my scholarship to cease… hehe.. luckily, my supervisor was very accommodating and understanding she completed the forms on the spot for me to send back home. The day after I received a reminder from one of my sponsors, for not receiving my performance appraisal form for the past academic year… how ironic is that?

I attended a lecture by Prof David Eaton, one of the leading experts within the PPP/PFI area in my school, also in the UK if I am not mistaken. The issues he presented had somehow put my thoughts on my research in a new perspective, and so I was able to look at my research subject in a different angle. One interesting point he made was that the benefit of partnering should not only be viewed economically, but also socially. More than often, the gauge of success for any partnering ventures is measured by the amount of savings/spending. It was often forgotten that the benefit of partnering venture will also improve the living standards of a community (in terms of highway partnering project, how it reduce the amount of accidents among highway users), which cannot be quantified, thus not mentioned. The lecture lasted for an hour, but it was time spent well. I look forward to attending similar sessions after this.

The other task that I have completed is reading Creswell’s Research Design. I am able to differentiate methods available in conducting research, though I am far from an expert (or knowing how to go about with my own research method for that matter), I am definitely getting there.

A little something is always better than nothing, right?

My SV set up a meeting with me last Tuesday. I received her valuable feedback on my third chapter, and how I can improve it. She also went through some questions that came up while she was reading my draft, and keeps on firing them at me to have me thinking from different perspectives. It was a very good technique, as it had me thinking hard, and thinking critically. I was able to locate what was lacking in my current work, and was able to know ways that I can improve them just by the back-and-forth questions that she was giving. In truth, it was the first time I actually felt like a PhD student. By the time we were done, I was so mentally exhausted but it felt good. I know I am on the right track.

At the recent PGR lunch. Me & my supervisor, Dr Vian Ahmed.

I finally got the desk I have been waiting for since May. My original allocated desk is situated right under the central heating vents. So, when someone raises the temperature in the room.. hot air will be blown directly on my head, my nose will dry up, and it makes concentrating a lot harder. The desk is located by the aisle and close to the main door, and for someone who already has poor concentration, the sound of the door opening and people walking past your desk did not help much.

Last week, Carol, one of the staff asked me if I still want to move. Of course! I am now the happy occupant of a desk by the window, very comfortable and very quiet. The best place to concentrate, and work hard to my limits!

I heart my new desk

At the end of the week, the postgraduate students had a lunch with our new head of school. It was a chance to regroup and catch on with what’s been going on with our research, basically just to reconnect with our research ‘family’. Congratulations were given to those who has succeeded in their PhD quest, words of encouragement were given and motivation sparked for us who are somewhere in between. Hopefully in 2 years time, it will be my turn… insya Allah.

Week 3, here we go!

The first session I attended was entitled Academic Writing for PhD students (international). I have mixed feelings about this session. To be honest the first half of the training I was contemplating to leave the room. The fascilitator had started asking us to name certain ‘rules’ of English language.. such as past participle, tenses, subject + verb + object, gerunds etc when I sort of went into a panic. Uh-oh.

Here’s my confession. I am absolutely clueless about the rules of the English language. I have no idea whatsoever when people start naming the rules (tenses, gerunds, past participle etc.) of the language, especially when we have to look at the format of the sentences, rather than using actual words.

The way I function when I communicate, read or write in English is by looking at or hearing the words, not the format, and I will know whether the sentence is grammatically wrong or right. That’s the way it has been right from the start, when I was in my kindergarden years up till now, when I am doing my PhD. Weird, some might think.. but it works for me. Hehe.

Ok. Back to the session again, it got better when the facilitator started using examples (actual words… yay!) of formal academic writing. Now we’re talking! I totally understand what is considered formal and informal in writing, and I am glad to have attended the session despite wanting to bail out the first half of the session.

The second session I attended this week was on Time Management. I almost hide my face in shame when I discovered that I was the only 2nd year PhD that turned up for that session. The rest were in their first year. It must have reflected on what poor time management I have, as only now I have the effort to look for some training in that area.

Hi, I am Faiza and I have poor time management.

I did discover many tips to better manage my time. I discovered also that my weakness in this area is not due to lack of scheduling, but rather lack of discipline to stick to plans. The facilitator also suggested I find another PhD student to be accounted for, sort of PhD buddy so I will have to keep up with my progress regularly with my buddy. She also suggested the use of a writing/reading schedule; to record daily topic covered, whether or not the target is met, number of hours spent (actual and planned) and so on. Something to consider once need arises. At present, I have to try to stick to my personal schedule and produce outcomes.

I am currently reading up on qualitative research methods. I finally managed to get my hands on the books I was looking for in Adelphi Library (which apparently holds many copies of research methods books), what a relief! My reading for my research area is far from complete, and will be resumed once I get my feedback from my supervisor for the chapters I submitted previously. I will be seeing her next week, and see how thing goes from there on.

That’s it for week 1. Hope things will go smoothly for the coming week.

The seo